My Way Home Is Through You
by Ron's Maroon Jumper
Summary: When Remus visits Sirius in Azkaban ten years after his imprisonment, it sets off a chain reaction of events that cannot be stopped... No slash! Multi-chaptered
1. A Decision

**Chapter One: A Decision**

Before he started school, Remus Lupin's father was quick to comment that the days spent in the castle would be the best days of his life. Despite his scoffs and the indignant reply that he probably wouldn't (because, at the end of the day, who would want to be friends with a freak? At the time, he was sure it wouldn't take long for people to discover his 'furry little problem'), his father remained positive he would. As excited as he was - it was a magical school, after all - all Remus wanted to do was learn to cast spells and brew potions, and maybe, just maybe, survive through seven years worth of teenage angst and rebellion, to gain his education which would then provide him with the means to find a cure for his condition... or, and this was more highly plausible, he would be able to sufficiently find a menial, dead-end job that would cater around his need for days - and nights - off around the full moon.

Eventually September first, nineteen seventy-one, arrived and he was on his own for the first time. It was lonely in the beginning. Remus purposefully kept himself to himself, avoiding making any friends, including with those he shared a dormitory with - James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew. He didn't want any of them finding out and turning him in to a pariah in the school and in the community. Little did he know at the time that was not the case. Their persistence led to him becoming friends with them. To explain his absence once a month, he spun a lie about how his mother was extremely sick and he needed to go visit her - who knew how long she had left? It made him feel terrible. Hope Lupin, although run down due to the stress his condition brought her, was otherwise in tip top health. But, alas, they were not to be fooled. During their second year at the magical school, the three boys discovered his secret. When he walked in to the dormitory that evening, dread quickly filled him up, and he mentally tried preparing himself for the fear and anger he knew was surely about to come... but it never did. They were not scared of him. They were, however, a bit annoyed he had kept it a secret from them all this time, but they understood why. It was as though everything he knew about people was slowly dissipating. Maybe not everyone was ignorant and prejudiced. Maybe there were some decent, kind-hearted people in the world.

Hogwarts had given him friends. Friends who spent years learning how to each become an Animagus just so that they could keep him company on a full moon. The wolf would kill any human that dared cross his path; animals were relatively safe as long as they didn't make the wolf angry. His father's words when he was eleven and fresh-faced played back in his mind. The man had been right. The piles and piles of work they had to do, and the petty teenage drama that was constantly abound were all minor details that he could work through. His time at Hogwarts was one he never wanted to end. The end, as much as he wished would not arrive, was inevitable.

At the age of eighteen, Remus Lupin had taken his final exam; cast his final spell; and brewed his final potion as a Hogwarts student. It had all come to an end. It was then it all went downhill...

Dark times were ahead for them. Outside the safety of the castle walls, a war was waging on. Voldemort had rallied his forces, was gaining new followers, and was moving quickly. The body count was increasing exponentially on a daily basis. None of them worse safe. James and his wife, Lily, certainly weren't. A prophecy had been made regarding their then-unborn child. It was all surreal. How was this happening to them? Praying to a deity he wasn't sure existed - magical and non-magical - made him feel increasingly guilty. If it wasn't happening to them, it would be happening to someone else. Little did they know it had been one of their inner circle who would go on to betray them to Voldemort.

Here he was now, ten years later, drunk and sitting alone in the dark in his living room. There was a knock on the door. Remus ignored it, as he did every single Halloween night. The lights were off in his tiny cottage; all the windows and curtains closed; and the only light in the entire room was the illuminating glow from the fireplace. The fire was roaring, emitting enough heat to combat the October chill. In one hand, he held a half-empty bottle of Firewhiskey. He had no need for a glass, he was already set on drinking the entire bottle, perhaps even two, maybe three. Nobody was welcome at his house tonight.. There had been a time, long ago, when he would have opened his door to the children, all dressed up in their costumes, excitedly asking for some treats. Remus had never been a fan of Halloween, now even less so. All he wanted was to be alone with his sadness, his memories of his friends, and to drink until he passed out and November first rolled in.

If anyone was to peer at him at this current moment, they would be under the false impression he was an alcoholic. Usually, he wouldn't touch the stuff. It was only on October thirty-first that he drank excessively to numb the pain the anniversary brought him. Every year he had to mourn alone. It was a terrible idea, one he would never normally condone - drinking to suppress a memory was not healthy, but he had endured through one too many anniversaries alone. This year, he didn't want to do that again, all he merely wanted to do was allow the day to pass without having to remember a single moment from it. Remus took another swig from the bottle, sloshing some whiskey down the front of his shirt.

It was hard to believe ten years had come and gone. Remus was still in a world of pain. He had not been the same since, and doubted very much that he would ever be again. On one night he had lost everyone. James, Lily, and Peter had all been murdered, and Sirius had been carted off to Azkaban, where he belonged, for life. It had been a struggle for Remus not to just tell the Ministry to subject Sirius to the Dementor's Kiss and be done with him. The fact he was still breathing while the other three were not was cruel; a complete slap in the face. This was no justice. The more he thought about it, the more he realised that the Dementor's Kiss would have been too easy. Let him rot in jail, feeling hopeless and miserable and pain for the remainder of his life; let him relive the moments over and over again, until his last, dying breath. It was no more than he deserved.

'You bastard!' Remus spat, his words slurring ever so slightly. His hand clenched tighter around the bottle; his knuckles turning white. 'YOU BASTARD, SIRIUS BLACK!'

There had always been two questions burning holes in his mind: how and why? Remus had tried to think of reasons that could have led to this, but he lacked the ability to think like a madman. They had all been a family - Sirius was even Harry's godfather. When he had cornered Peter in the middle of a crowded street in the hours after Voldemort had murdered James and Lily, Sirius had laughed about it. He had laughed about the murders of his friends, and then proceeded to brutally murder another, along with thirteen Muggles. How had they gone from being closer than brothers to this? Once again, Remus was the lone wolf.

The only consolation from the Halloween night of eighty-one was the incredible survival of Harry and the eagerly awaited downfall of Voldemort. No one knows what truly happened that night, but the common knowledge is that little Harry Potter had defeated the darkest wizard since Grindelwald at the age of one. The thought of James and Lily's son brought a pain to his chest. He had not only lost his friends that night but Harry, too. Dumbledore decided Harry belonged with his Muggle relatives, to live a life away from the magical community fawning over him for being the, as they called him, the Boy-Who-Lived. Even if he wanted to - and he did want to - there was no way possible that Remus could care for a child. He barely had enough money to feed him through the week. The life of one inflicted with Lycanthropy was a lonely one; it meant he went from job to job, accepting anything that paid some amount of money, regardless of how small it was. This was not a life for a child. Harry deserved much better than him.

His vision was blurry from the amount of tears exiting his eyes. He hadn't even realised he had started to cry. Remus wasn't having any of it; he put the bottle of Firewhiskey to his lips and drank.

'This is all your f-fault, S-Sirius,' Remus slurred. 'ALL YOUR FAULT! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! THEY'RE DEAD! THEY'RE ALL DEAD! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?'

Tears streamed down his face faster and faster until he was sobbing uncontrollably. This was not how it was supposed to be. None of this was meant to have happened.

Sirius was a Black, and the Blacks were an old, Pureblood family going back centuries, who placed a great deal of importance on blood purity, upholding the same ideals and beliefs that Voldemort share, which was that Purebloods were superior in every way shape and form and all Muggles and Muggle-borns were scum that didn't deserve to breathe the same air. Despite his upbringing, Sirius had been different... or so they had thought. Out of his entire family, Sirius had been the only one to not have been sorted in to Slytherin, rather he was placed in the house with the biggest rivalry to them - Gryffindor. For years he had fooled them all that he was different to his family. Perhaps he had been at one point, but the apple never does fall far from the tree.

How had he become this person? What had caused him to turn on his friends? It didn't make sense to Remus. He had seen Sirius had his lowest, when his parents had turned on him for not being a carbon copy of them. They had hurt him, they had beaten him down, stripping pieces of him away over time, pieces that had taken the other three Marauders a long time to help him rebuild. Was it the pressure from his family, from his little brother's death, that had caused him to revert allegiance to Voldemort? Remus didn't know and at the point, his brain was simply going through all the thoughts he had had since that night.

Regardless of how drunk he was, Remus knew he had enough of trying to come up with ideas of why Sirius had done what he had done. He could come up with as many of them as he possibly could and perhaps none of them would be the real reason. Ten years had passed; an entire decade. Before he was nowhere near ready to face him. Now, he felt differently. Maybe he was ready, maybe this was what he needed to move on. Didn't he owe it to James, Lily, and Peter to find out the reasons why they died?

His decision was absolute. In the morning, he would make a visit to Azkaban. He was going to get the answers he needed; the answers they all deserved.

Around two-fifteen that morning, Remus fell asleep in his armchair, snoring loudly, with his head lolling to the side. The nearly empty bottle of Firewhiskey - his third - had slipped out of his hand to the floor, spilling the remaining contents on his beige carpet.

* * *

When he awoke the next morning, he felt terrible. His head pounded with the same force of a hundred demolition drills; every movement of his head brought about another round of pain, and he hissed loudly when he opened his curtains to reveal a very light, very bright November morning. He knew there was a reason he rarely had more than a couple of drinks every now and again; the hangovers were insufferable. He could not bounce back the way he could when he was eighteen. Before he dressed for the day, and to get out of the clothes that reeked of booze, Remus dug around his bathroom cupboard for his supply of medicinal potions, including the best hangover cure he could find. There were moments when he was severely glad he was a wizard and this was one of those moments. He uncorked the vial and downed it in one, grimacing at the foul taste.

The idea he had formed during his drunken haze last night still remained. He was still going to brave the sickening fortress of Azkaban and come face-to-face, for the first time in ten years, with the man responsible for the deaths of three of his friends. It was time to do the right thing.

Remus decided not to eat breakfast before going. While he had never been to Azkaban before, he had been in the presence of the Dementors, and knew seeing his breakfast twice in one day was not a pleasant experience he wanted to endure. He would eat when he returned, if his stomach could handle it. Instead, he brushed his teeth, doing so more than once to rid the smell and taste of the alcohol he had consumed, and dressed in a grey button up shirt, black trousers, and a matching grey cardigan.

It was just after nine o'clock when he disapparated from his cottage in the middle of nowhere. It was a quaint thing that he had spent a few years of his life in while he was a child before he had gone off to Hogwarts. His family had moved several times over the years while he was a child. Remus' father used to say it was because he enjoyed the world and wanted to see more of it, rather than staying in one place, but Remus knew the real reason was because they were afraid; afraid of Fenrir Greyback, the werewolf who had bitten Remus as an infant, finding them again, and afraid that the local inhabitants of the community would discover the secret they had worked so very hard to remain as just a secret. The cottage had been one of the very few properties to have remained in his parents possession, and after the war, and after his mother had quietly passed away, Remus found himself back inside one of his childhood homes. It was peaceful around the area; he had a woodland not too far of a walk from him, as well as the seaside. Taking a walk around during dusk and dawn provided him with relief..

Remus arrived just outside the entrance of the Ministry of Magic. Once inside, he had to submit his wand to the wizard at the desk for a check, and identify the reason for his visit.

'I'm sorry, did you say you're here to receive an escort to Azkaban prison?' the wizard inquired, looking extremely perplexed as to why someone would want to do such a thing. People very rarely visited Azkaban under their own accord. Most of the Aurors would not go if they weren't required to due to their job.

'I did,' Remus said firmly. He was not going to back out.

'And the name of the prisoner you wish to visit?'

'Sirius Black.'

'Are you a relative?'

'No.'

'Are you a friend?'

Remus laughed bitterly. 'Friend? Not anymore.' He was beginning to lose patience with the man. He didn't want twenty questions, it was a unpleasant enough of an experience without having his actions scrutinized. Remus knew they were routine questions that he was required to ask him, but that wasn't to say he had to like it. 'Could you please just arrange for an escort. I would rather not be there longer than I need to.'

'Certainly, sir,' the wizard grunted. 'I won't be a moment,' and he retreated behind a closed door, leaving Remus standing in the Atrium.

He was gone for several minutes before returning with a member of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, who would be on hand to escort Remus to the prison. After a run down of some more routine questions and a search of his person for any hidden weapons, potions, and anything that could potentially be used to inflict harm on another person; he did have to surrender his belt, along with his wand before being allowed to set foot on Azkaban.

'The Dementors are going to be stationed at the entrances and exits at all time. We cannot do anything to change this. They are there for our safety, as well as to secure the prison,' said the Auror who introduced himself to Remus as Savage. 'Do you understand?'

'I understand,' Remus confirmed, swallowing hard, and rubbing his sweaty hands down the side of his trousers nervously.

'They will also be patrolling the corridors at every fifteen minute intervals.'

'I understand,' Remus repeated.

'And lastly, for security purposes, I must remain with you at all times for the duration of your visit.'

Remus simply nodded that time around; his throat was getting tighter. This was not something he anticipated he would ever be doing.

'We'll be going through the Floo network to begin with, then we'll be taking a boat over to the prison, so if you would please follow me,' said Savage.

Remus took a deep breath, trailing quietly behind the Auror. He was nervous about seeing Sirius again. It was ridiculous; he used to see him every day for ten years. The again, it had been another ten years since he had seen him last, not including the coverage he received in the Daily Prophet newspaper.

There were so many questions Remus wanted to ask him, but he wasn't sure how to begin. What do you say first of all to a friend-turned-monster? Sirius had spent ten years in Azkaban, there was no telling what a decade among the Dementors would have done to him and to his already addled brain. Would he be in such hopeless despair that he wouldn't even recognise Remus? There's always rumours that the prisoners tended to go mad in Azkaban what with only the Dementors, their worst nightmares, and the screams of the other inmates for company.

_Well there's only one way to find out..._

Remus felt queasy on the boat, and was quite glad he decided to pass on breakfast. If he hadn't, his morning meal would definitely have made a reappearance there and then. As soon as the boat stopped alongside the rocks, Remus had to breathe deeply, in through his mouth and out through his nose, in order to avoid heaving. He must have looked as bad as he felt for Savage decided to comment.

'If you need to be sick, be sick. Merlin knows plenty of Aurors have thrown up on their visits.'

'I just didn't realise it would affect me so much,' Remus admitted bitterly.

'There is no shame in it.' Savage looked up at the fortress, looking disturbed, and sighed. 'This place is dark. Inside it's worse than what you ever imagine it would be. The smell of nightmares and urine and death constantly linger in the air. Even the strongest of men would struggle here.'

Remus took another deep breath. 'I'm okay. Let's just get this over and done with.'

Savage took point, leading Remus up through hundreds of stairs, with many twists and turns, until they reached the top. All that seperated them from the inmates - from Sirius - and the Dementors was a door. Just a wooden door.

'Ready?'

Remus nodded weakly, his answer getting caught in his throat. His heart was pouding hard inside his chest, he could feel it beating against his ribs, hearing his heartbeat in his ears. It was so loud he was sure Savage could hear it, or the very least it would burst out of his chest.

The door swung open. Remus' legs felt too heavy for his body, and it took all of his efforts to pick his feet up and bring them down again and again. They felt weaker the more steps he took. However, he kept going, with his eyes down, avoiding the blank stares he imagined were on the inmates faces. His heartbeat was still loud, ringing in his ears, but it wasn't loud enough to block out the sound of the hoarse screams. Most of them, Savage had told him, had screamed themselves raw; their voice boxes had been damaged, their screams turning silent. It was obvious which were the newest inmates from the sound of their voices.

'Black's an odd one,' Savage had said to him while they had been inside the boat.

'Why is that?'

'He never screams. I've been there a few times since I qualified and I've noticed it, the other Aurors have all noticed it, and it's quite strange. He will talk and mutter in his sleep. The place has not effected him as much as it has with the other inmates, including those who have been there for less time than he has.'

This disturbed Remus a great deal. Was he that insane that the Dementors barely effected him, or was it because he just did not feel any remorse at all for what he had done? Remus had no idea about the inner workings of a madman, nor did he feel the need to. He would see for himself in mere moments.

And there he was. Remus could spot that hair, although much dirtier and greasier than he had ever seen it before, and his silhouette, which was worryingly thin (or at least it would have been worrying had he not been a prisoner), from a great distance.

'Black,' Savage called out coldly. 'You've got a visitor.'

At the sound of his name, Sirius turned around; his face was sunken in, white and gaunt, looking very emaciated. Remus could see his ribs protruding from one of the many places his prison clothes were torn. The moment he laid eyes on Remus, the werewolf heard Sirius' breath catch, and saw his eyes flash with recognition. They were hollow and there was no spark of mischief that Remus had known so well, but they were not empty and lifeless as he had thought after a decade in Azkaban. The Sirius standing before him was very aware of who he was.

'Hello, Sirius.'

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed this new story I'm working on. I've had this idea for years; it's one I have always wanted to write, but I never did have the time nor a solid foundation to work on. My mind works on overdrive most of the time, so I find it hard to process ideas and get them fully formed, but I have a good idea of where this one is heading. I will not forget about my other story. I'm very much invested in that one, even if it did take a year to update. Now that I've started writing again, I do not want to stop. I'm hoping to get a few chapters written for both stories in the next few weeks so that I'm ahead of the story when it comes to updating.**

**Any comments, positive and negative (as long as you're mature and constructive with your comment) are welcome.**


	2. Azkaban

**Chapter Two: Azkaban**

_'Hello, Sirius.'_

His heart was beating to the rhythm of a jackhammer; his hands sweating to the point of dripping. Remus had never been so nervous in all of his life. He swallowed hard.

'It's been a long time,' he said lamely.

The gaunt man in front of him stared, his eyes surveying him up and down. It unnerved Remus. Then Sirius took a step forward, breathing hard. He stretched out a trembling hand toward him, his unblinking eyes never once leaving Remus as though he were afraid that if he closed his eyes for even a fraction of a second then Remus would disappear. Did he think he was hallucinating? Remus took a step back, he could not bear to have Sirius touch him; there was nothing but evil inside of him. This caused Sirius to drop his arm to his side with an audible hiss as though he had actually been physically stung.

There had been many a time over the past decade where Remus had found himself imagining what he would say to Sirius if he ever found himself face to face with him again. Even on the boat ride there, Remus had built himself up for this moment, ready to confidently demand answers, to finally understand why he had betrayed James and Lily. Except now he was actually there in the flesh, he was speechless. His voice had abandoned him.

From the corner of his eye, Remus could see Savage standing in the corner, arms crossed over his chest, stoically watching the pair of them. There was a part of Remus which hoped that Savage would announce that time was up and force him away, but the Auror was merely a spectator and bodyguard, ready at a moments notice if things were to turn ugly; his fingers were lightly brushing the top of his wand, which was held in a holster just above his waist.

There was silence, with the exception of their breathing - Remus and Savage's were calm and controlled, while Sirius' was hard and ragged; the past decade in prison had taken its toll on his body. He was frail; the bones in his chest were all too visible, the skin covering them as thin as a sheet of cling film covering leftovers of last night's dinner, and his eyes were sunken in their sockets. Sirius looked like one small gust of wind would snap his bones. His body looked broken.

Their eyes were locked on each other, their gazes unwavering. It was a waiting game now. Just as Remus was convincing himself that this was a terrible idea (his father always told him no good decisions were ever born from the bottom of a bottle; perhaps next year he would give the alcohol a miss), there was a whisper of his name. It took Remus a split second to realise it had come from the man in front of him. He was slightly taken aback at this; he wanted Sirius to speak, to say absolutely anything while he was there as reason to justify his visit, but he didn't really expect him to talk. It surprised him greatly that it was Sirius who broke the silence.

Sirius coughed once and tried again.

'Remus.' His voice was still hoarse but a bit more discernible the second time around. 'What -' he coughed again, '- what are you doing here?'

Remus' breath caught in his chest. His mouth opened but no sound came out. It was obvious, wasn't it? He wanted and needed answers to a decade long question that had been burning holes in his mind since that Halloween night. He wanted to hear the truth, but, at the same time, did he really? Could Remus really stand there and listen to why Sirius betrayed them? No truth or lie that could spew out of his mouth can really justify the loss of lives that occurred on and around the thirty first of October. Remus took another deep breath to try and calm the onslaughter of thoughts and the fast paced fluttering of his heartbeat. It was then he found the courage to speak.

'I'm here to ask why.'

Sirius let out a bark of sardonical laughter. 'You wouldn't believe me even if I told you.'

'Well I'm here and I'm asking. I'm willing to listen. So, why did you betray James and Lily?' Now that he was actively engaging in a conversation, Remus had this newfound confidence, which was evident in the calm and commanding tone in his unwavering voice. He maintained eye contact, stood up straighter, and squared his shoulders as he patiently waited for Sirius to explain himself.

Instead there was silence once again.

'You were quick to tell Voldemort where they were, but you're suddenly shy when it comes to explaining why. Unbelievable.'

'What's the point?' Sirius spat bitterly. 'You've already decided I'm guilty.'

'What's that supposed to mean? You were their Secret Keeper, you were the only one who could tell Voldemort their whereabouts. And are you also forgetting how you murdered Peter? What about those _innocent _Muggles you massacred? You have a lot to be guilty for.' Really who was Sirius trying to fool? There were witnesses to his killing, of course he was guilty.

Sirius smiled, exposing broken, yellow teeth. 'That's where you're wrong. I wasn't James and Lily's Secret Keeper. We switched a couple of days before they died.'

But that would mean...

'Who was their Secret Keeper then?' Remus demanded. His heart had taken up a sprint.

'The one and only Peter Pettigrew. Oh, and guess what? He's still alive.'

Remus was seething. How could Sirius use Remus' dead friend to blame his heinous crimes on? What evidence did he have to support his claims? Remus could answer that. Sirius had destroyed Peter - they could only find pieces of him for his mother to bury. It was absurd to even think poor, simple Peter could be responsible and it made Remus see red.

'How dare you,' hissed Remus. 'You killed Peter and now you want to blame him!'

'I said you weren't going to believe me,' Sirius sighed, seemingly more exhausted than before. 'Peter is still alive. That little rat betrayed us all and you're blind to it. You all are.'

'You blew him apart! All they could find was his -'

'His finger,' interrupted Sirius, his voice breaking as he strained it. No doubt this was the most he had used it in ten years if what Savage said was true. If he never screamed, if the Dementors did not effect him, then the hoarseness of his voice was due to lack of use. 'All they found was a finger. The dirty little rat cut the goddamn thing off himself, then he transformed, but not before blowing up the street and killing all those Muggles. It was perfect. I was framed.'

Remus' head was spinning. 'This is ridiculous. How can you expect me to believe you?'

'Did you know I was sent to prison without a trial?'

'There were witnesses!'

'They didn't see the whole thing,' Sirius stressed. 'I am innocent. A trial would have proved that.'

Was it possible? Could Sirius really be innocent? Remus' head ached; there was a pain behind his eyes that was extremely uncomfortable and all he wanted to do was close them. He needed to lie down, to process all the information he had been given. Could an innocent man have been wrongly imprisoned for ten years?

'Remus - Moony - listen to me. You and Prongs were brothers to me. Hell, even Wormtail was. Harry is my godson. I adored that little boy like he was my own kid. You were my family. There was no way I would jeopardise that. I would rather die than betray any of you! You know me.'

'I thought I knew you.'

There was one thing, however, that wasn't making much sense to Remus.

'Answer me this: why did you change Secret Keeper? You were James' best friend.'

'Therefore I was the obvious choice,' Sirius explained. 'The Death Eaters knew this. They were closing in on me, and if they had captured me then I would have been able to distract them, to keep them from Prongs and Lily for as long as I could. It was supposed to give Peter time to get safe.'

Remus swallowed the lump in his throat. There was a question he was dreading to ask but knew he needed to. 'Why did you choose Peter over me as Secret Keeper?'

'We thought you were the spy. I'm sorry we didn't trust you.' The sincerity in his voice was causing conflicting emotions in Remus. 'We put our faith in the wrong person and it backfired. I am sorry.'

'You and me both,' Remus muttered bitterly.

They thought he was the spy. No doubt because of his status as a werewolf. Before James and Lily's deaths, it was true he had been deep underground mixing with others who had also been infected with lycanthropy, but these men and women were more animal than human. They believed in embracing the new life, new abilities, and giving in to the wolf. They believed in everything that Remus had spent his entire life fighting against. Remus wanted to be as human as he could given his circumstance. Was he human? It was a question he asked himself daily. Human or monster. The pack he had been infiltrating were being pursued by Voldemort. Most werewolves were, as were the giants. There had been no hesitation when Remus politely declined the offer. Clearly his friends did not have any faith in him whatsoever. Remus would never give in. They should have known that. Providing that Sirius was telling him the truth of course.

Remus didn't know what to believe. There was no evidence to back up any of Sirius' claims. Peter as a Death Eater? The whole thing was absurd. Peter was small and timid and sweated buckets when confronted by anyone with an ounce of authority. He would have wetted himself should he have ever come face to face with Voldemort. Remus wasn't being mean; that's just who Peter was. What reason did Peter have for joining the Death Eaters anyway? Why would he want James, Lily, and Harry dead for? There was only one out of the five of them who had a pureblood supremacy background; one of them who didn't think murder was cruel...

'Moony,' Sirius pleaded desperately, 'I swear to you I am innocent. Get me a trial and I will prove it to you. Either I'm found guilty and come straight back here to rot, or I'm found innocent and walk free. We can't let Wormtail get away with it. We owe it to James and Lily to get the truth.'

'You're insane. Peter is dead. _You _killed him!'

'He's still alive! You have to believe me. _Please_.'

Honestly, Remus was unsure what to believe. His head was spinning. He needed time to think.

'Goodbye, Sirius.'

As Remus turned his back to leave, he felt Sirius grab hold of his arm with as much strength as his weak bones could muster. There was fear and panic in his eyes.

'Remus, please!'

'It's okay,' Remus said to Savage, who had moved from his position in the corner to one of defence, with his wand pointed at Sirius, ready to fire off a stunning spell. Remus had almost forgotten the Auror was there. He looked back at Sirius and snarled, 'Get off me!'

Sirius' arm dropped to his side. 'Remus... Moony...'

'Look,' Remus sighed, 'I don't know what to believe. There's little evidence to support your claim that Peter was a Death Eater. Peter, of all people! There were witnesses who say they saw you blow up the street. It's a lot to take in. I need to think about it, okay?'

'Bring some Veritaserum with you next time. I will gladly take some,' said Sirius quickly. 'No guilty man professing his innocence would willingly offer to down some truth juice.' Sirius was obviously getting desperate.

'I need time to think. Goodbye, Sirius.'

Remus did not turn back to look at Sirius as he left the cell, but he could feel his old friend's eyes digging a hole in his back, following him down through the corridor until he turned the corner out of sight. Just as he did when he entered, Remus kept his eyes averted from the other cells, not wanting to catch a glimpse of the other inmates. Visiting Sirius had been horrifying in itself. What he needed was a shower and a decent size bar of Honeydukes' finest chocolate.

'Did he really get sent to Azkaban without a trial?' Remus asked Savage on the boat trip back.

As soon as news broke to Remus about the murders of his three best friends, he had completely turned his back on Sirius; he wanted nothing to do with him and that included hearing about him. He had even unsubscribed from the Daily Prophet. Remus needed time to grieve for his dead friends, and had spent the first few months after their deaths as a recluse. He had to get used to being alone. Most of his other friends had died in the war. No one came knocking on his door.

Savage sighed. 'I shouldn't be telling you this, but a lot of it is public knowledge now. From what I know about the case, the first responders on the scene that day questioned everyone who was there - mostly Muggles - before wiping their memories. Majority of them described Black pointing his wand, and then the next second there were bodies on the floor. Black was still standing. No trial is needed in a situation like that one.'

_ All they found was a finger. The dirty little rat cut the goddamn thing off himself, then he transformed, but not before blowing up the street and killing all those Muggles. It was perfect. I was framed._

'What conditions were the other bodies in when they were found?' Remus asked curiously.

'Bits and pieces mainly. There were a few who caught the end of the blast who were still intact, but those who caught the direct wave had to be picked up piece by piece.'

Remus felt sick. None of them deserved to die like that.

'Do you know if all pieces of their bodies were found?' Remus had to know. A finger that was all they found of Peter. Just one stubby finger.

'Aside from an arm or a leg here and there, most of them were identified and released to their families. The only body that was never fully recovered was Pettigrew.'

Remus remained quiet for the rest of the journey back, mulling over everything both Savage and Sirius had said to him, as well as trying to quell his queasiness. There was a lot not adding up. The explanation Sirius had given him for changing Secret Keepers would have made sense. It was common knowledge Sirius and James were the best of friends - brothers. The obvious choice would have been Sirius. It would have been an excellent decoy to use someone else, and honestly no one would really have suspected Peter, he wasn't the best wizard but he was a great friend... Or maybe he wasn't. There was a seed of doubt that had been planted, albeit by a convicted murderer, and while Remus was kicking himself for even thinking these terrible thoughts, tarnishing the memory of his deceased friend, he _needed _to know the truth, at the very least for James and Lily. More selfishly, he wanted to know for himself. Was Peter really capable of being a Death Eater? Could Sirius be as innocent as he's claiming?

It was curious how Peter's body was never recovered. Very curious indeed.

* * *

**Thank you all for your reviews. I'm very bad at replying to them all, but I do appreciate them.**

**My laptop has been sent for repair and should be back next week, so this entire chapter had to be typed up on a tablet which has a horrific autocorrect feature, so if you see any errors despite my efforts to get them all, could you kindly let me know please.**

**Enjoy!**


	3. McGonagall

**The response to this story has been so much more than I expected. Thank you so much.**

* * *

**Chapter Three: McGonagall**

Hogwash. That's what it was, Remus had decided. Complete and utter hogwash. There had been no change in Secret Keeper. Peter was dead, blown to pieces, and Sirius had been the one to deliver that final, fatal curse. Why did he do this? For betraying James and Lily and revealing their location to Voldemort, thus resulting in their deaths, and leaving their son as an orphan. Unfortunately for them all, Peter had been the one to track him down first. Sirius was a better wizard, there was no denying that. Peter had never stood a chance against him, not when he could barely perform even the most basic of spells. The only reason he had become an Animagus was because James and Sirius had been there to hold his hand and guide him through. It wasn't a knock on him, because he tried hard but magic just did not come naturally to Peter as it did for others. The idea that Peter had been a Death Eater was preposterous. It had to be.

But was it? If Remus was being completely honest with himself, he had no idea what he truly believed. Four days had passed since his excursion to Azkaban prison. During this time, he had gone back and forth multiple times between deciding that Sirius had spent a decade wrongfully imprisoned, and, somehow, Peter had duped them all, to vehemently believing Sirius was indeed guilty of all accused crimes. The biggest reason for this was the fact Sirius had been James' best friend. Remus had caught Sirius soothing a crying Harry by singing, very badly, to him, as James and Lily slept, both passed out on their couch in the living room of Godric's Hollow, still wearing clothes covered in Harry's food and spit up. Sirius had spent the entire night singing to him so James and Lily could finally get some rest. There was a love he had for Harry that not even the best actor in the world could fake.

For ten years, Remus had lived, as content as one could in his position, with the knowledge that Sirius had destroyed their lives. There were days where he still did not fully accept the events of that Halloween night, although he tried his damn hardest to get on with his life. Some days were good, some not so good, but he tried. Then, in the space of half an hour or so, doubt had been planted in his mind. There was a part of him, a part he could not fully verbalise, which was thinking that maybe, just maybe, Sirius actually was innocent. A cascade of information had swirled through his head over the past four days, yet, for the life of him, he still could not make up his mind. It was beginning to drive him insane.

What was he to do? There was no chance he could go to the Ministry and demand they give an already convicted man a trial for the crimes he had been spent the past ten years imprisoned for, crimes for which there were witnesses. On what evidence? Remus had nothing but the word of a madman to go on. That was not going to be enough. He alone would not be enough.

There was one person he knew who had remained in touch with him through the past decade. This was a person who was respected and revered throughout the community; a person who would not accept his decision to isolate himself from the world. Remus had no doubts that if anyone could help then it would be this person. All he had to do was send a letter. Remus quickly gathered a pot of ink and some parchment, then sat down at his dining table to write.

_I'm very sorry it has taken me a long time to reply to your previous letter. The anniversary is always a very difficult time and I have been quite busy as I have finally managed to find some work at the local library. A reason for this letter today is because I do have something quite urgent that I would like to discuss with you if you are able to spare an hour or so to see me very soon. I await your owl. Hoping you are well. _

_Yours faithfully, _

_Remus Lupin._

Remus scanned through the letter, hoping it sounded okay. When he was satisfied, he folded it in two, then proceeded to make his way over to a corner of his living room where his aged barn owl was happily perched in his cage, enjoying the mouse he had found on his latest hunt.

Gallifrey had been a surprise to him, but a welcomed companion. Roughly two years ago, he had come across the poor owl, lying at his feet, with an awkwardly bent wing. He had been injured. With some care and attention, Gallifrey had made a full recovery within weeks. Gallifrey hooted at Remus, presumably in thanks for helping him, spread his now healed wings and flew out of the open window in to the summer air, with Remus never expecting to see him again. Hours later, much to Remus' surprise, the exact same owl came flying back through the window, a mouse stuffed in his beak, which he promptly dropped right in Remus' lap. Shocked and, albeit, slightly disgusted, Remus could not help but smile at the proud expression this owl was sporting. Within the space of a few weeks, this owl had completely stolen a place within his heart. A part of him did not want to get attached. This was not his owl; he belonged to someone else, perhaps a child who was greatly missing him, or an older, middle-aged witch or wizard who needed him as company. Remus knew he could keep him, therefore he tried to encourage him to leave, but despite his exhaustive efforts the owl would not leave. No matter what Remus did, he still did not leave. Instead, his big, wide eyes gazed intently at Remus, before gently nuzzling his side. This was when Remus decided on a name for him; he could not keep referring to him as 'that owl' or 'you'. He decided on Gallifrey, which he received a hoot of agreement for. Every time Gallifrey left for a hunt, he always returned. Remus tied the letter to his feet, gave him an affectionate scratch, then watched as he spread his wings and soared out in to the cold and wet November afternoon.

There was nothing more Remus could do now except wait.

* * *

It was two days before Gallifrey returned with a reply.

Remus had been sitting in front of his fire, curled up with his latest addition from the local library where he was currently employed. Remus had been extremely lucky when it came to finding this position. One of the librarians who had been there for several years was currently off with child, thus Remus knew this would only be a temporary position. Having been there for six weeks, he had already experienced one full moon, and thankfully it had not caused many problems for him as of yet. However, it usually did and Remus, ever the pessimist, was just waiting for the moment it would all come crashing down around him and he would once again be unemployed.

There had been a tapping on his window, and looking over Remus could see Gallifrey waiting patiently for him to open it so he could fly in and drop off the reply Remus had been eagerly anticipating. Remus untied the letter, then fed Gallifrey a couple of owl treats before the owl went to settle in his cage for the night for a well deserved rest. It was a long trip from the middle of Wales to Scotland. Once he was settled, Remus unfolded the letter and read.

_Dear Remus,_

_I am very glad to have received your letter. Of course the anniversary is always going to be difficult for you. James and Lily loved you dearly. Despite this, I hope you are also well and are settling in very nicely to your new job. I myself are well, thank you very much for asking. The term is almost over for the holidays, so the children are becoming increasingly difficult to teach. Harry is settling in very well. He has become fast friends with Molly and Arthur Weasley's youngest son, Ronald, and has been spending a large amount of time with a bright Muggleborn witch. The three of them, would you believe, outsmarted a fully grown mountain troll on Halloween night! While the rest of the teachers and I were attempting to usher the students back to the safety of their dormitories and track down the troll, which we believe Peeves let inside the school as a Halloween prank, the three of them came across it first and decided that it was a good idea to try and tackle it without the help of an adult. Thankfully, they were all okay and neither of them required any medical treatment. It reminded me of four particular students I used to teach. I would be delighted if you would join me for a spot of tea on Saturday afternoon to discuss this urgent matter of yours, and, of course, it would be wonderful to see you again._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Minerva McGonagall_

Remus smiled as he read about Harry. Life had not given Harry a great start, and was cruel to take his parents away from him at such a young age, but knowing he was a happy kid who was settling in to school with a few friends caused Remus' heart to lighten. Although, Remus did wish that Harry would leave defeating mountain trolls until he was a little bit older, maybe after he was fifty, or perhaps even never. As Minerva had explained, neither of them had been harmed, and Remus was extremely thankful for this. Not many people could take on a mountain troll, let alone one that was fully grown, and live to tell the tale. It was definitely something his father and Sirius would have been eager to do themselves at that age.

There was a part of Remus which was filled with regret at not getting the chance to know Harry as he was growing up. It had been at the request of the headmaster of Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore, who had been convinced Harry would need to spend time away from the magical world until he was ready to return. The night his parents had died, and Voldemort had attempted to murder little one-year-old Harry, had turned him in to the most famous child in their world. He was the Boy Who Lived; the one who was responsible for bringing about the downfall of the darkest wizard of their time. There was going to be a lot of attention focused on him. Dumbledore believed Harry did not need to be brought up surrounded by the fame, so he sent Harry to live in the Muggle world with Lily's older sister, Petunia, and her husband and son. Remus had never met them before, but he had heard many things about them from Lily, mostly unpleasant things. Her sister had never been accepting of Lily's status as a witch. Jealousy was a very unattractive form. There had been many times when Remus had caught Lily in tears over her sister's cold attitude toward her, and he knew she had been broken up about not being asked to be Petunia's bridesmaid at her wedding, when it had been something the pair of them had discussed at great length as children. Before Lily's Hogwarts letter had arrived, they had been best friends and completely inseparable.

Remus did often find himself wondering what life was like for Harry. It was not easy for anyone to lose a parent but it was even more difficult for a child to grow up without both of his. From the letters he had received from Minerva, Harry was a happy and healthy child. He was polite, hard working, and extremely modest in his talents. Minerva had revealed to him in a previous letter that Harry had been given the position of Seeker in the Gryffindor House Quidditch team. It is commonly known that no first year ever made the school teams. This made Harry the youngest Seeker in a century. James would most certainly have been proud of him.

Folding up the letter, Remus walked the short distance from his living room to his bedroom, where he placed the letter inside the drawer of his bedside table. Suppressing a yawn, Remus shrugged out of his shirt and unzipped his trousers and put on the pyjamas he had folded up that morning, then placed his clothes neatly in the dirty washing pile. Remus climbed in to bed, flicked his wand once to turn the lights off, placed it on the side, then closed his eyes. Within minutes he was fast asleep.

* * *

The next few days followed in a blur. Remus went through his daily routine which usually consisted of waking up, then heading to the library for a short shift, doing some cleaning when he came home, perhaps he would spend the evening comfortably situated in front of his large, warm, roaring fire with a book, or even wrap up warm to brave the cold November night for a stroll, as well as finding some time to cook himself some food, and of course going to sleep. More than anything he wanted the days to pass quickly so that it would be Saturday and he could finally make it way up to Hogwarts to see his former Head of House and Transfiguration professor and discuss what he needed to. Remus was still undecided about the situation. It was beginning to consume his thoughts. He was desperate to speak to Minerva, to be able to have another opinion, particularly from someone he admired and respected as much as he did her.

It was now one thirty in the afternoon on Saturday and Remus was now preparing to apparate to Hogsmeade, where he would take a short walk through the village to get to the school as it was impossible to apparate directly on to school grounds. One minute Remus was standing in the garden of his cottage (he had also made it impossible to apparate or disapparate inside his property), and with a quick turn on the spot, Remus found himself around the corner from the Hog's Head pub. The four of them had spent an awfully large amount of time in the Hog's Head when they had been in school. James and Sirius convinced the barman to sell them Firewhiskey despite being underage.

Wrapping his coat tighter around him, Remus started to walk, saying a brief greeting to those he passed who he knew back from his school days. It was nostalgic walking through the village and in to the school grounds. He had made this journey many times before, usually under better circumstances. Once the castle came in to full view, Remus took a moment to stand in place to take in the familiar sight of the place he used to call home. It was there he had made many memories, both good and bad. Being there again was very bittersweet. However, Hogwarts would always remain home for him.

On his way passed the greenhouses, Remus was fortunate enough to bump in to his former Herbology professor, Pomona Sprout. At first she did not notice him as she was lost in her own thoughts, as she usually was, he remembered. There had been many students who had made fun of the plump little witch for her love of plants. _They're just plants, they're so boring. She needs to get a better, more interesting subject to teach. It's not as good as Defence. We were taught this really cool spell the other day... _Remus could still hear them saying. He was one of the very few who particularly enjoyed Herbology. She adored the plants and she adored her subject, which made their lessons all that much more enjoyable, to him at least. It was very rare these days to find someone who was not ashamed to be vocal about something they were completely passionate about.

'Professor Sprout,' he called out to her.

As soon as she heard her name, the Herbology Professor turned to look at him. The moment she realised who it was, her eyes widened with delight, and she squealed, 'Remus Lupin, is that you?'

'It is,' he replied kindly. 'It's wonderful to see you again Professor.'

'None of this Professor nonsense,' she admonished, walking alongside him as they headed up towards the castle entrance. 'You have my permission to call me Pomona. I haven't been your teacher now for a very long time.'

Remus groaned, but there was a smile on his face. 'Don't remind me,' he teased. 'I'm getting old.'

'_You're getting old_, just remember who you're talking to, boy,' chuckled Professor Sprout - _Pomona_, he would have to remember that. 'What brings you to Hogwarts today?'

'I'm actually here to visit Minerva. She has been kind enough to invite me for some afternoon tea.'

'Be sure to have some of her ginger biscuits,' Pomona told him. 'I don't know where she gets them from, but they are absolutely delicious and they go marvelous with her sweet tea!'

Remus chuckled. 'I'll have to remember that. Have you had a busy term?'

'Not particularly too straining. It'll start getting busier after the holidays once we start preparing the older children for their exams. I have gotten some wonderful new Hufflepuff's this year though, I must say, and we've had some first years excelling at Herbology, particularly this one Gryffindor. Neville Longbottom. I believe you knew his parents.'

'I did,' Remus said sadly, knowing what had happened to poor Frank and Alice. 'We were friends. They became very close to James and Lily, since they were pregnant at the same time.'

Not too long after James and Lily had been killed, the Longbottom's had been tortured in to insanity by Bellatrix Lestrange, one of Voldemort's more extreme and loyal Death Eaters, alongside her husband, his brother, and Barty Crouch Jr. Bellatrix was also Sirius' cousin. Both Frank and Alice were now in the Spell Damage ward at St. Mungo's hospital. Their son Neville was born the day before Harry, and neither of his parents recognised him anymore. Neville was now being raised by Frank's mother.

'It's very sad indeed,' said Pomona. 'Neville is a bright one. James and Lily's boy, Harry, is also in that class. He looks very much like James. Those two poor boys without their parents.'

'It's cruel and unfair what happened to them.'

They continued speaking up until they reached the entrance hall where the went their separate ways, with Remus heading up the grand marble staircase that led to the upper floors and Pomona needing to head to the left to where the Hufflepuff common room and school kitchens were located.

Before she left, Pomona drew Remus in for a quick hug and said, 'You best come back and visit me soon, Remus Lupin, and make sure to look after yourself, you hear.'

Remus smiled at her. There were several members of the staff who, despite knowing about his condition as all of the teachers had to be made aware during his time at Hogwarts, were very parental when it came to him. Pomona Sprout was one of those teachers. Admittedly, there had been several teachers who were not and did not agree with Dumbledore's decision to allow him to attend the school.

'I will. You take care now.'

It was a short walk from the entrance hall to Minerva's office, which was located in one of the largest towers of the castle. He knocked twice on the closed door. It took barely a minute for his former professor to open it. She smiled when she saw him.

'Good afternoon, Remus,' Minerva greeted.

Remus kissed her on both cheeks. 'It's good to see you again, Minerva.'

'Tea? Biscuits?' Minerva offered, closing the door behind her.

Remus unzipped his coat and placed it on the back of his chair. 'I wouldn't say no to either. Pomona was just raving about your ginger biscuits.'

'That woman does enjoy them a bit too much. She's requested they stock them in the kitchen.'

'How are you?' Remus asked politely as Minerva poured the tea. Most found this peculiar as all she would need to do is wave her wand, however, just like Remus, Minerva had one Muggle parent, and was used to being able to pour her own tea and wash her own dishes. There was something satisfying about not being too reliant on magic to do everything. It was something most Purebloods did not understand.

'I'm very well, thank you. I have just had to dock another twenty-five points from Gryffindor due to the Weasley twins and their latest harebrained scheme involving the Slytherins. It's like having the four of you back in school again. They give you a good run for your money.'

'Would you believe it if I told you I tried to stop James and Sirius?'

Minerva stopped pouring to shoot him a look of pure scepticism. 'I know for a fact that you, Remus Lupin, were the brainchild behind many of the so-called Marauder's plans.'

'Then why did you appoint me prefect?'

'Because you were the least troublesome out of the four of you,' said Minerva with a smile.

'Peter wasn't too bad - thank you,' Remus said as Minerva handed him a hot mug of tea and a plate of biscuits to go with it.

'Peter Pettigrew, may he rest in peace, was not particularly prefect material.' Her words caused Remus to feel uncomfortable. Was Peter dead?

'He is part of what I wanted to discuss with you today.'

Minerva looked concerned. 'Is everything okay, Remus?'

Remus sighed and rubbed weary eyes; he had not slept very well since his visit to Sirius. 'I'm not entirely sure,' he admitted. He took a deep breath. 'I went to Azkaban to see Sirius.'

'Why in Merlin's name would you do that?' Minerva asked, not bothering to hide her shock.

'I'm ashamed to admit that I got very drunk on Halloween night. It was in my drunken state that I came up with the idea to visit him. I was upset and wanted to know why he became a Death Eater. I was still feeling very upset and angry when I woke up the next morning, so I went straight to the Ministry, and they took me to Azkaban. I'm not proud of it.'

Remus then dived in to his tale detailing the events of his visit to Azkaban. Minerva had wiped the shock off her face and had replaced it with a neutral expression; there was no telling what she thought about it.

'... and that was when I left.'

Minerva was quiet for several minutes as she soaked up the information, although, to Remus, it felt much longer than that. She mulled over it as she took a sip of her tea. Eventually, the silence was broken.

'If I'm being honest, I'm not sure. Peter Pettigrew a Death Eater? It sounds preposterous.'

'That's what I thought,' Remus admitted.

'But you don't think that anymore?'

'I'm not certain either.'

'I think this situation calls for something a bit stronger than tea.'

It was Remus' turn to be shocked. 'Minerva! I will pass on that. It was alcohol that got me in to this situation in the first place. I'm not going to be drinking for a while at least.'

'More tea?' she offered.

'I will take some tea.' Remus sighed. 'This has been keeping me up for a week. I've been going back and forth between deciding Sirius is guilty and deciding he's innocent. Before I went, I was so sure he was guilty, but for some reason there is a part of me which thinks he could be telling the truth. Azkaban is different for him.'

Remus then proceeded to explain his thoughts to her and the way not everything seemed to add up. Why would Sirius, someone who had fought so hard to cut all ties with his Pureblood, Slytherin obsessed, Voldemort loving family and everything that they believed, only to join Voldemort's ranks in the end? How could Peter, as the inept wizard he was, be accepted by the Death Eaters? There was two sides to every story. There was two sides to this one, and both were as equally as possible. It was this reason that Remus wanted to give Sirius a trial. Like he had said himself, either he was going to be found innocent and allowed to walk free or he was going to be found guilty and go straight back to Azkaban to live out the remainder of what life had had left.

'I cannot do this alone. I'm going to need some help getting him a trial. Will you help me, Minerva?'

'This is important to you, isn't it?'

Remus nodded. 'It is. More than that, Harry deserves to know the truth, and if he is innocent, Sirius deserves to be able to breathe free air again. If he is found guilty after all, then we will know for definite. I just have to know now. It's been ten years, Minerva.'

'Then I will help you.'

* * *

**And I'm also aware that many people will be wondering why Remus never went to check on Harry himself if he knew what Petunia and Vernon were like. With Lily's death, Remus was convinced she would be filled with regret and remorse, and would treat her son differently for her sister's sake. The saying about people never changing is utter rubbish - people do change. Petunia may never have, but others do. Lily had been a witch, she wasn't. All she had was Vernon and Dudley and the idea that they had a perfect life. I do fully believe Remus would have thought Petunia would have been different after finding out Lily was dead. Deep down, she still did care for her sister, she had just suppressed it for so long that she didn't truly know how to show it. Besides, Remus was a werewolf, shunned by the wizarding world for something he had no control over. Even if he wanted custody, he had no claim to Harry. Petunia was his last living relative. With Sirius in prison, it just was not an option for him, and Petunia had more rights to custody than anyone else.**

**As always, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. **


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